1. “A ardent supporter of the hometown team should g to game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.”
2. “Anyone can do any mount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.”
3. “The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps”
4. “A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”
5. “The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.”
6. “My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.”
7. “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
8. “There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.”
9. “Anything can happen, but it usually doesn’t.”
10. “Drinking makes such fools of people and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony.”
11. “Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of early lives of all great men.”
12. “I haven’t been abroad in so long that I almost peak English without an accent now.”
13. “A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.”
14. “The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quote as it stands.”
15. “Work is a form of nervousness.”
16. “All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involutary twitching.”
17. “I do most of my work sitting down; that’s where I shine.”
18. “The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.”
19. “There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes ad those who do not.”
20. “Anyone who tries to keep of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.”
21. “We are constantly being surprise that people did things well before we were born.”
22. “You won’t find one fish in a million that as enough sense to come in when it rains.”
23. “Defying and analyzing humor is a pasttime of humoress people.”
24. “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.”
25. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.”
26. “After an author ha been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a ew book out of him each year.”
27. “In America there are two classes of travel – first class, and with children.”
28. “Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.”
29. “Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.”
30. “Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.”
