1. “I don’t care how rich and successful a man is. He’s nothing without an education.”
2. “Better to keep quiet an let people think you’re an idiot than speak up and confirm it.”
3. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
4. “My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.”
5. “Don’t talk about yourself so much… we’ll do that when you leave.”
6. “Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.”
7. “People seldom live up to their baby pictures.”
8. “It’s great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who’s bald.”
9. “If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we’d be in a lot of trouble.”
10. “Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.”
11. “Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he oes not hide; he exposes himself.”
12. “It’s nice to be best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.”
13. “Comedy is camouflage for depression.”
14. “If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.”
15. “Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it’s not in my act”
16. “Life is just a bowl of pits.”
17. “Life’s a short trip. You’ll find out.”
18. “Men who do things without being told draw the most wages”
19. “The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”
20. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
