1. “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
2. “A man’s only old as the woman he feels.”
3. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
4. “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong”
5. “Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.”
6. “The only real laughter comes from despair.”
7. “Man does not control his own fate. The woman in his life do that for him.”
8. “While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
9. “I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
10. “No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”
11. “If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
12. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
13. “Humor is reason gone mad.”
14. “Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
15. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
16. “Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
17. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.”
18. “A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.”
19. “Age is not a particularly interesting subject, Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
20. “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.”
